In class today, I would like for you to narrow your focus for your college essay. To this end, your comment for this post should be in outline format and needs to include the following information:
I. First line:
Goals of Paragraph One/information to include:
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going to strive to make at the end.
I. Fist sentence/paragraph: “We need to help him”. I want to set the stage for the short story I’m going to tell. How much seriousness was in her face when she sat me down and had something terribly important to tell me, then my reaction to that as a joke. I thought she was kidding.
ReplyDeleteII. Goals: I want to write about influences. People who have influenced me and how. Also, how I choose to influence other people as a leader and as an independent. How it hurts to get hurt while defending someone…..
III. Details: 1st paragraph, describe the emotions and feelings in the air as tension rose. Describe the boy’s innocence, describe my aunt and her life lessons, describe my feelings of shock. In the end describe how I took a step back and let it be.
IV. I want to bring back the story in my conclusion. Somewhere along the line of me watching him, who was unaware of what had happened, continue in life in his own direction without that influence.
I. First line: "The last time I ran a mile in under 11 minutes, I was in fifth grade."
ReplyDeleteTalk about the circumstances/discuss how I have begun to run (how running will help me with dance) give an anecdote about a typical day when I'm running, but only tell the first part of it, write the intro as if I'm preparing to go on my run.
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
I want to talk about how I am not a runner, but I am doing it because I want to become one; it will help me with what I love to do. I discover something about myself that needs work and I work on it.
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
The feeling I have before I run (sometimes excitement, sometimes dread)
The feeling in my legs
The feeling in my lungs
The feeling I have after I run (when I cool down, the sense of accomplishment, the tiredness)
The dogs that bark at me (sometimes scary…element of humor)
The feeling of a cool breeze
The shade of the trees in my neighborhood
How soft the grass looks as I run by the houses (sometimes I just want to lay down in the grass)
IV. Conclusion: End with the end of my anecdote, with a sense of accomplishment, write the conclusion as if I have just finished the run.
I. First line: I already have my dream house.
ReplyDeleteTalk about what my dollhouse looks like, then explain that I got my dollhouse in fourth grade after getting ten Star Roll ribbons.
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
Since I worked so hard in elementary school to get my dollhouse, I would like to talk about how working for that dollhouse made me learn how much hard work was rewarded, and how now I work hard to achieve my goals.
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
- Before I had my dollhouse, I had a small one that I got when I was little, but I outgrew it.
- I saw the dollhouse for the first time at Hobby Lobby and knew instantly that it was the one.
- The deal that if I got ten Star Roll ribbons, I could get a dollhouse.
-Star Roll ribbons were only awarded for straight A's and only awarded quarterly.
- How I worked hard in school for over two years to get my ribbons.
-The setback of a B in my third-grade math class.
- The joy and accomplishment of finally making ten in fourth grade.
-Many items on my dollhouse were purchased on vacation, or were my mom's in her dollhouse. There are things from many different places.
- How I worked more in school to get money to buy things for my dollhouse.
- How I add new things and redecorate my dollhouse to this day, and how much I treasure it because I worked so hard.
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going to strive to make at the end.
End by saying how important my dollhouse is to me because of how hard I worked for it.
I. First line: Butterbeer or Pumpkin Juice?
ReplyDeleteGoals of Paragraph One/information to include:
- Start with the specific story about my trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter this summer
- End the paragraph talking about my desire to definitively determine which Hogwarts House I belong in.
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
- I want to compare my own characteristics to the characteristics each house in Hogwarts values most
- Gryffindor: courage, chivalry and loyalty
- Ravenclaw: intelligence, knowledge and wit
- Hufflepuff: valuing hard work, patience, friendship and fair play
- Slytherin: house values ambition, cunning and resourcefulness
- Talk about how much easier life would be if there were a Sorting Hat
- Talk about how in life you ultimately choose who you are and where you belong (its not up to anyone else)
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
- Began my obsession with Harry Potter when my 1st grade English teacher read the Sorcerer’s Stone to my class
- How my obsession has grown through the years i.e., books and then movies
- Finally June 2010, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter opened and my family and I made the trip down in July
- The realism I felt in the Park: finally tasting butter beer that I had only read about. Eating at 3 broomsticks.
- My desire to buy t-shirts, cups, notebooks, scarves, etc. specific to the house I belonged in
- Standing in Dervish & Banges discussing our Houses with my family
- Standing in the middle of a crowd trying to hide my embarrassing tears of frustration because my brother insisted that I’m not a Ravenclaw and my sister refuses to let me be a Slytherin
-Wishing for the Sorting Hat
- How stupid I felt that someone who was this in love with Harry Potter couldn’t figure out what house she was in
- How even more stupid I felt that I was 17 and was crying over Harry Potter
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going to strive to make at the end.
- My realization that it was up to me (not anyone else) to decide who I was and where I belong not only in the wizarding world but in the muggle world (“real” world) too.
I. First line:"I want to start a fight!"
ReplyDeleteGoals of Paragraph One/information to include:
The goals of the first paragraph would be to explain that I am not a person with a violent nature, I am just looking for a way to prove to myself and others that I can take care of myself in extreme circumstances.
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
I want the essay, as a whole, to say that I am a strong individual but I never get chances to prove that I am strong. People always tell me that I am intimidating and could probably take someone out in a fight; but, I never get a chance to prove that. The essay is going to be about wanting to prove something in everything I do.
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
1. I took karate class when I was younger, so I feel like I can take care of myself.
2. I try to prove to my doctor that I can take care of my diabetes.
3. I try to prove to my friends from other schools that I can do just as well in private school as they do public school.
4. I try to prove that, because I am a senior, I am a leader and role model for underclassmen.
5. I can over come peer pressure. (In elementary school, I was told that in high school and middle school I would be faced with the peer pressure to smoke, drink, and do drugs. However, once I got to middle and high school, I made friends with the people who wouldn't try to force me into anything. So, I have never had to face peer pressure like that and therefore, never had the chance to overcome it.)Once I made it to middle school I kept telling myself that I would say no if someone ever tried to pressure me into anything; but, since it never happened I could never prove it. Now that I am almost out of high school, I want to prove in college that I won't give into peer pressure. But, I don't know if I ever will have to turn down the opportunity because of the people I tend to surround myself with.
6. Because I go to an all girls school like GPS, I am almost expected to be a feminist, but I'm not. (story from middle school)
7. I want to prove that I will think of others' safety before my own in an emergency situation. (2 car accident stories)
8. I want to prove that I can actually become a doctor and help people like I have dreamed about.
9. Prove to my family that I can be trusted and that I do everything I can to make them proud.
10. Connect all the stories by saying that most of them are not something I can or even want to prove. Because, some would involve someone in harms way, which I do not want. Also say how many of the examples are simple expectations that I will have an opportunity to prove eventually once I get out into the real world.
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going to strive to make at the end.
So, maybe I don't want to start a fight, but if someone starts one with me, I sure as hell want to finish it.
I. First line: I felt as if I was surrounded by aliens.
ReplyDeleteGoals of Paragraph One/information to include: This paragraph will be about an incident that happened in kindergarten. This incident should reveal a bit about the culture shock I had experienced when moving to the US. This incident should also show why I saw myself as different from all my classmates. In the second paragraph, I will ground my topic (tell when I moved, why I moved, what school I was now going to)
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
I what to show how I was always scared of being different, even though I knew I was. Then, later, I was asked to perform a bollywood dance for program. This really helped me express my culture and embrace my uniqueness. In all, I want my essay to say that "you are who you are" and there is no running away from that. I was scared of expressing my culture. I was scared of what other people thought of me. However, I was secretly in love with the Indian Culture. I loved watching bollywood movies and listening their songs. I would always try to copy the dance moves that I saw in these movies.
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
- First day in kindergarten. How I felt as if I was in a different word.
- Story about how I found out that in the US, people say the word "dress" and not "frock"
- Describe all the times and ways in which I felt as if I didn’t belong.
- Describe I would always be scared about doing or saying something wrong.
- Describe my extreme interest in Indian culture. However, I was too scared to express, or talk about it.
- Tell how my mom always used to tell me that you can't hide who you are.
- Describe my immediate denial of the proposal from me to dance for and Indian program. And then describe how my Mom convinced me to do it.
- Show how hard I prepared for the dance, and how much fun I had doing so.
- Describe my nervousness before the actual dance. How I was scared that all the non-Indian people in the audience would judge me.
- Seeing my mom smile in the audience and remembering that she always told me: I need to embrace what I love (my culture), not shy away from it.
- Realizing that my mom was right. I need to show the world where I come from. *Then I started my performance*
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going to strive to make at the end.
The impact that I am going to try to make at the end would be to show that I learned to express my uniqueness. Everybody is unique and whether you like your uniqueness or not, it is not something to hide. It is something to show to the whole world. In my final sentence, I want to somehow tie the word "frock" back into the essay.
I. First line: On a humid August night the four of us knocked on my front door hoping to escape the heat, but none of us knew we were about to get so much hotter.
ReplyDeleteGoals of Paragraph One/information to include:
Set up the story to show my Dad’s goofy character. Show him forgetting names (Mason as Madison) and fiddling. Set the stage for him to put the music on.
Later Paragraphs: “I’ve got something you’re going to love.” Beaver coat: “I know just the thing.” “How do I look?”
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
I want to show the kind of family I come from and that my family is one of the things I am most proud of. Also that although I may have used to have been embarrassed by my Dad’s antics, now I can accept them and just enjoy them as much as he does.
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
String Cheese Incident’s cover of Nelly’s “Hot in Herre”
The humidity of the night outside compared to inside the house.
The look of surprise on my dad’s face every time he opens the door
The sounds of the bass through the house
The look, smell, feel of the beaver coat
Possibly the story behind the beaver fur coat- My uncle’s who passed away, Grandma kept it until she passed away late July, so my Dad just received it.
The awkwardly smooth moves of my Dad.
My friend’s faces- enjoyment, surprise, laughter
My realization that I’m thankful, not embarrassed, for this side of my Dad
Use specific lyrics to the song
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going to strive to make at the end.
Idea: By accepting my dad and his oddities, I’ve learned to accept myself and mine. Maybe use some play on words about heat.
I. She was a mother who only wanted the best for her daughter. Or at least that's how she thought of it.
ReplyDelete-I want this paragraph to explain how this lady was wrong in her thinking, but didn't even realize because all she wanted was her daughter to have the best possible. She was blinded by wanting success for her daughter and would go to almost any length.
II. I want the story convey that I made the right decision and didn't just give in for reasons such as the fact that she was older than me. Also, it will convey my morals and what I believe.
III. Details:
-I didn't want to flat out tell her I wouldn't do it because I didn't want to be disrespectful by putting down what she was doing.
-She made me write down my name and number so she could text me throughout the day.
-She was really nice throughout the whole thing, and wasn't even realizing she had done anything wrong.
-She was willing to pay me around $100 dollars just to do the tests
-I saw that the website had lessons that were preliminaries to the tests. I asked if her daughter had done them. She said no, that they were just graded on whether they were clicked on or not, so they only skimmed them.
-She told me her daughter would never be good at math. She had even told her daughter that she would never be good at mad. Also, she said the girl's teachers had even said she'd never understand math
-I felt fortunate afterwards to have parents who would not do this for me. My parents have always pushed me to do my best, and would never tell me I would never be able to do something.
-I also felt fortunate that my parents expect more of me than to let me allow someone else to do my work, while I sat at home on my computer.
-She seemed so innocent, even when she used the word cheating.
-I felt like I had been tricked into helping her, because it was difficult to get myself out of the situation without being rude.
-The fact that my high school has a honor code has really helped me to realize the importance of keeping my honor in such situations, even when it does not have to do with cheating on a test I have to take in school.
Iv. I want the conclusion to explain how grateful this made me, especially because I know, had I been raised differently, I might not have made the same decision that I did.
I. First Sentence: The first time I fell in love, I was ten.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction
• describe this love and how it bloomed
• surprise the reader with saying that I fell in love with a book, not another person
• introduce initial connection to Pride and Prejudice (why I like(d) it)
• how I relate to the novel (how I don’t)
II. Goals
• Contrast my daily life with the life of Pride and Prejudice- I live in the present, but I also need time to myself to escape the hustle and bustle of every day and just relax
• Calmness and tranquility (that comes with escaping chaotic life)
• Learn to love (love the book and how characters love each other)
• Time stops for that short period of time that I spend reading/watching
• Idolize Elizabeth Bennett- my like of Elizabeth reflects myself and the values that I hold independence, think for yourself, true love, romantic, witty/funny
• Descriptive writing- about reading the book and my mind state, the book itself, and my life
III. Details of your story
• Moment:
1. First time I saw the movie, I didn’t understand it and I was slightly bored, but then I watched it again and I fell in love with it. I went on to read Pride and Prejudice and the book was even better.
• Effect of book/movie:
2. The book/movie cheers me up when I’m sad or upset, the movie makes me happy (the romance of the novel and the determination of Elizabeth)
• Daily life (constantly going from one thing to another):
3. stress of school
4. intensity of tennis
5. weekends with friends
• Pride and Prejudice-
6. walking through meadows
7. falling in love
8. confusion of emotions (as people fall in love)
• Transition between my life and book
9. Description of opening book
10. Description of my change of mindset
IV. Conclusion
• Reflect on my love of the story of Pride and Prejudice
• Connect the love I found with this story to the love I will find in the future and the love that I experience now
• Reflect on how everyone just needs some time to relax and let everything go for a while
• Book taught me to love?
• (one of the) Last line(s): I fell in love when I was twelve, but one day in the future I’m going to fall in love again. OR Pride and Prejudice taught me how to love the abstract/uncontrollable/mysterious/people.
1. First line. Goals of paragraph one/ information to include.
ReplyDeletea. Food warms the soul. (or maybe something mocking how food is one of my top priorities..)It can send a shiver down my spine when warm cider whispers (swishes) through my throat. My goal is to open up and first discuss my love of food, and how it has the passion of bringing everyone happiness. Who doesn’t love a stringy grilled cheese and tomato soup.. in later paragraphs develop details that take a reader back to their childhood of different meals. Firstly describe some story that will take them back remembering, and have vivid details. But not just any blah story, it needs action or suspense.. or lightheartedness..or maybe even they laugh. Something refreshing.
2. Goals of the essay as a whole. What do you want to reveal about yourself?
a. I want to take the reader back to childhood, and realize how I’ve learned to appreciate food for quality versus quantity. Reveal different emotions it brings out in me, how I feel when I eat something. What I crave, when I’m down and out. Show different sides of me, and through those…what I end up eating. Food food food. Food stories
3. List at least 10 details of your story.
a. warm blueberry cobbler with ice cream dribbling down side
b. when you are craving something and you so don’t get anything near that.
c. Pizza place in france description
d. People’s language
e. Scarfing down 5 pieces after biking: tired but had mind fixed on something else; have a hard time letting go and moving on
f. You eat what you feel
g. Food is fun and enjoyable, not just nutrients
h. Eating for the first time, donuts with dad raspberry sauce and mascarpone!
i. Simple ingredients bring out the best flavors
j. Caprese salad, italy
4. Conlusion. What you want the final effect to be.
a. Leave feeling warm and soothing. Enjoying food, appreciating it. Be a “feel good essay”. I realize how big a part food plays in my life.
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going t
Topic brainstorm:
ReplyDelete· Why cheerleading should be considered a sport.
· First paragraph= on top of a stunt.
· Buying Lucy
· Make it funny.
I. First line:
Goals of Paragraph One/information to include:
§ Getting out of your box. Taking risks. Buying Lucy without my parents' permission from a 19 year old slut (probably should find a different word) who dropped out of Ooltewah High School to live with her boyfriend because of their 1 year old son. Making mistakes
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
· That I am in independent person and don't like people to do things for me. I don't like to live my life in a typical way. I mean of course, I follow rules, but I am not afraid to get outside my box/comfort zone to do other things. (things that aren't going to ruin my life or anyone else's for that matter.) I hate having people tell me how to live my life every 10 seconds of my day. I am completely able to do things myself.
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
· Christmastime.
· Wanted a sister, never had a girl dog. Decided to get one.
· The classified adds of the newspaper.
· Rainy, cold day. Rain boots.
· Drove to the girls house.
· Girl= 19 years old. 1 year old son wearing nothing but a diaper with a bottle in his hand. Blonde hair with pink streaks. Boob job.
· Puppies (golden retrievers) shut in their cold basement in a laundry basket.
· Smallest, reddest dog ran away from the rest of the puppies immediately when the boy let them out of the basket…I knew I wanted that one: the runt.
· She slept the whole way home in my lap.
· Snuck her into my house.
· Called my mom into the basement and she had a fit.
· Dog that always crawls into your lap.
· Woke up every morning of Christmas break to "babysit" her.
· 3 months later, she limped when she walked. Her hips swung back and forth at a bout a 20 degree angle- took her to the vet: SEVERE hip dysplasia in BOTH hips. Would have to take her UNC to have a surgeon give her 2 hip replacements. (each individual replacement would cost 4000 dollars.)
· Takes glucosamine pills.
· Happiest dog ever- runs and leaps into the plastic swimming pool; she sunbathes; literally. Sits on my bed and watches me put on my makeup/blow dry my hair. Always has to be touching someone. Licks everything in sight. Her tongue hangs off the side of her mouth at a 90 degree angle. She has no traction. Has already broken one of my moms antique tables. Slides all over the garage when it is wet. Drinks water and walks away with it dripping out of her mouth for about 30 more steps. Snores unbelievably...
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going to strive to make at the end.
· Lucy isn't perfect, and clearly, neither was my thought process when I bought her. But that's the thing; no one is perfect and no one ever will be. Everyone has imperfections and everyone has their issues. But Regardless, its okay to live a little. How will you ever learn from your mistakes if you never allow yourself room to make them? Sometimes getting out of your box and taking slight risks end up making your life more meaningful. At least that's what I remember every time I see Lucy with her 20 inch long tongue hanging off the side of her mouth.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI. First line:
ReplyDeleteJammed closed together with no room to move, they sit, confined to the cold, dark space where they are vaguely noticed, but never fully remembered.
Goals of Paragraph One/information to include:
-Tell a story about how all of my stuffed animals ended up stuffed on the top shelf of my closet and forgotten about.
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
-I want to make myself vulnerable in this essay. Talk about my fear of not getting to do everything I want to before being forced to settle down and sink into a routine.
-Talk about how I want to go through a stage in my life where I am completely dependent on myself (living by myself, supporting myself)
-Talk about how college will be the first step towards achieving this goal
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
-talk about ways I’ve become an individual so far (ways I’ve stepped out of the box and my comfort zone)
-find a way to incorporate my achievements so far (class day award especially)
-fear of filling obligated to follow the course of society and settle down before I’m ready because I have failed at being able to support myself
-I want to support myself and see the world for myself and then settle down and get married and everything else. I definitely want to get married and have a family; I just have a few things I’d like to cross off my personal bucket list first.
-fear of having to settle for things less than I had hoped for
-animals lay squished and pack together in my closet, with no possible way of getting out and experiencing the world for themselves
-I was the one to hold them back. I’ve realized that you can’t expect to not be confined and constrained if you’re confining and constraining someone yourself.
-story about how I’ve continuously placed each individual animal on the shelf and even when they’ve fallen down, I just placed them back on the shelf without even thinking about it. (around the middle of the essay?)
-I don’t like doing things before I’m ready to do them
-Talk about how GPS has taught me to think this way and how it was the beginning of my journey down the road to becoming my own person and achieving my own goals and that college is the next stop on that path
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going to strive to make at the end.
-By the end of my essay, I would like the reader to have seen and read things about me that I usually don’t tell anyone.
-So, if opening up like a book means I could begin my journey down the path towards independence and individuality, then I’m willing to do just that.
I. First sentence: Everyone keeps telling me that I need to grow up.
ReplyDeleteGoal of beginning: Introduce parts of childhood I still try to hold on to
II. Goal of Essay: To show even though I have to be responsible and mature in some areas of my life, I can still keep some pieces of childhood
III.
1. Pressure from parents to grow up
2. Maturing in study habits
3. Still like to eat macaroni and cheese and other "kid foods"
4. Keep up with Disney channel shows
5. Work as a camp counselor and get to be a kid all summer
6. Trying to find my balance between kid and adult
7. Having to grow up
8. Reorganizing priorities
9. Cant eat off the kids menu
10. Ideal Saturday with friends watching Disney movies
IV. Conclusion: Even though I can't be a kid forever, there are still parts of childhood I can hold on to and grow up at the same time
I. First line:
ReplyDeleteGoals of Paragraph One/information to include:
The goal of paragraph one is basically to show that I do not need to throw myself onto the college essay readers to show them who I really am.
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
I am pretty much just going to explain how I became to be who I am, who I am, and what convinced me that I am okay with being who I am and that I do not need to be fake or to conform to what other people want me to be. There is a story to go along with this, and it is kind of hard to understand without reading the whole paper.
III. List at least 10 details of your story.
• Start and end in the same way
• Start out about how hard it was for me to write this without feeling like I was forcing myself upon the college essay readers
• Mention Holden Caulfield's stance on phoniness (my favorite book)
• Tell the story about the girl talking to me about theory of knowledge
• Explain my reaction to the conversation with the girl, and how I felt from this happening
• Explain how upset I was after the instance, but then show what I learned from it
• Explain how this instance was the turning point for me
• I haven't put this in yet, but I might mention the way I was raised and the rules I grew up with that made me eventually think the way that I do.
IV. Conclusion: If possible, draft the final sentence of your essay. If you can't get there yet, paraphrase what point/impact you are going to strive to make at the end.
I am going to start with the same sort of sentence that I ended with. I also want to conclude by giving a final statement about myself.
I. First line: Who has the right to love?
ReplyDeleteGoals of Paragraph One/information to include: I want to address the topic of love and LGBT rights. I want to talk about how I feel I can still consider myself to be a Christian.
II. Goals of the essay as a whole. What information about yourself do you want to convey?
I want this essay to be bold. I don’t want to hide this aspect of myself anymore. I think everyone should be able to love whoever they want and I think the same goes for marriage. III. List at least 10 details of your story.
1.Love is pure.
2.Love is there in everyone. Everyone can love someone.
3.To love, and by virtue to be married should never be limited
4. I think it's okay to be gay, bi, etc.
5.I am a Christian and that works for me.
6.How I came to this realization/ feel at peace with this- during New Testament, thanks to a combination of Brother Ron Fender, The Rock MCC, and the class as a whole.
7.Jesus never mentioned the word homosexual.
8.Love should never be limited.
9.Why would a loving God punish anyone for fulfilling a genetic make up?
10.We should be free to love anyone we are truly, completely in love with, regardless of gender.
IV. Conclusion: Love is a universal thing, it connects us in ways that other emotions can’t even grasp. Who can say that a person is going to hell for loving another person? Jesus mentioned love constantly in the gospels and he seemed to be it’s strongest advocate… So, quite honestly, what would Jesus do?