In essence, this is your chance to get feedback on the writing part of your essay before you submit a draft for a grade on Friday.
List as many as you would like. Use this opportunity.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
I'm Not Sure...
After you read On Writing Well Ch. 1-3 for Thursday's class, I would like for you to post a comment that reflects on your own college essay. In this comment, copy sentences from your essay that are causing you problems, whether they be grammatical or syntactical. Do you have a sentence that seems wordy but you don't know how to improve upon it? Write it out in your comment box. Are you not sure if you need a comma or a semicolon? Write it out. Do you want to include a list in your essay but can't figure out how to use parallel structure correctly? Write it out.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
..but I've never done anything quite that bold. Atleast not without my parent's permission first.
ReplyDeleteHer boyfriend was standing there...in his boxers.
Talk about some illegitmate breeders...
No papers, no registration numbers, nothing.
I'm for real not kidding.
It's super long and has no muscle control whatsoever.
Plus, she licks. Everything, literally.
She can't stop herself when she starts running creating a recipe for disaster.
And then there's her snoring problem, and let me tell you first hand, it's bad. But I won't go into that.
At first, we just assumed that she was shaking her butt on purpose.
We never got her the hip replacements because she is just too dang happy without them.
But for now, her daily supplements of glycosimine pills seem to keep her clumsiness clumsy and her hyperness hyper.
I long to experience the world for myself, fully independent from anyone else and it terrifies me to think there’s even a slight possibility that I might not get to finish every task on my personal bucket list before being forced to settle down.
ReplyDeleteShould I have a comma after else or should I start a new sentence?
I will not be tamed because of a fear of failure and a fear of feeling obligated to follow the generally accepted course of society by settling down because I was unable to support myself.
"because of a fear of failure AND a fear of feeling..." should i use and or or?
I replied that I had, to which she asked if I would be willing to come back to her work station and help her daughter through a math problem she was struggling with.
ReplyDeleteStopping to evaluate what I just heard, I was abruptly taken aback.
I was also overcome with a sudden sense of pride in my own failures-something I had never felt before.
“My beliefs derive partly from my relationships with other people and their influence on me and partly from my own original thoughts.” (I feel like this can be summed up in a better way.)
ReplyDeleteSome of best gifts I receive are ‘Life Lessons’ from my aunt Beth. Earnestly, “Troubles will pass, things will get better, but right now there’s nothing you can do but live in the moment even when your world is spinning out of control” and matter-of-fact “Don’t waste your money on a fad”, Beth has always had words of wisdom to bestow upon me. But the best advice I’ve received from Beth was her encouragement that I’m on a steady path that’s weaving its way towards a wider road and that she thinks I’m gonna turn out just fine. (I need help finding a better way to 'show' my aunt. I like the quotes but I don't know how to incorporate them into my writing while trying to show you who she is. It just sounds funky right now.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLast summer my four wheeled friend Jeffrey taught me something about life.
ReplyDeleteThe spring of my junior year I found myself watching the newscasters report the dismal reality of the American economy. Millions of Americans were having trouble finding a source of income, and for teenagers in Chattanooga, Tennessee the situation was no different.
When summer job applications returned nothing, I found myself among the unemployed masses. When three of my friends found themselves in the same circumstances, we decided to take matters into our own hands.
The cart, Jeffrey as we named it, was by no means the fanciest on the streets of Chattanooga; in fact, his four wheels often became flat.
However, Jeffrey stood proud. With two miniature American flags duct taped to each of his sides, and with clear bakery displays exhibiting tempting sweets on the top, it was hard for any Chattanoogan to walk by without at least a glance.
Nelly’s Hot in Herre was a mass craze for several years starting when I was in third grade. What do I do with titles of songs?
ReplyDeleteThey were shocked and I was humiliated, how could he do this to me? Can I ask a quest like this?
As he continued I sat and watched him, taking in the way squinted his eyes as to reach the high notes, and the way he pretended to have a coat on and to take it off with the corresponding lines of the music, and the way when just the instruments played he enjoyed solely the sounds they made with his eyelids lightly closed as if he were reading the music off the back of them. Too long of a sentence... Where should I break it?
Everyone was dressed differently, spoke in a different language and even smelled different.
ReplyDelete- I feel like I am not using correct parallel structure for this sentence
“A frog!?” she exclaimed and then failed to control her laughter.
- I think that the “then failed to control her laughter” sounds a bit awkward. Should it be “while failing to control her laughter” ?
As I arrived at the auditorium in which the function was about to take place, my heart started to race.
- Should this be “was starting to race” or “started to race” ??
Suddenly, I saw my mother sitting in the front row and giving me a warm smile.
- I have been trying to think of another way to reword this sentence.
I managed to raise the corners of my mouth into a fake smile and give a polite "Thanks anyways," but nothing could hide my disappointment as I turned and left.
ReplyDeleteAll of these examples are ways that I keep myself from growing up too fast.
When I was six, the age to be was seven, when I finally reached seven, I wanted to be eight and so on.
As my movement progresses down the street, I say a little prayer of gratitude for the shade that the trees provide me for most of my trek. As I round the first corner, I hear them. The dogs incessantly bark at me as if I'm a prowler in the night attempting to break onto their property and steal their livelihood. In reality, I’m only passing their house, so they have nothing to worry about, and they realize that after I'm gone.
ReplyDeleteMy question pertains to the middle section about the dogs. Is it necessary or just there for the sake of being there? I'm not positive if it's cluttering or good for description.